How Do You Fit In A Group of Talkers?


My colleague Susan Cain, Author of the blockbuster Quiet  asked me to respond to one of her readers. Here is what Susan wrote: “I received a letter from a reader named “Lily” who describes herself as extremely quiet and shy.  Lily is part of a women’s group called the “Super Women Sisterhood” which is comprised of eight very boisterous, extroverted women.  When Lily attends the meetings she feels invisible and overwhelmed, and she worries that the women feel she is being anti-social or snobby. She wants to feel comfortable with the “Super Women Sisterhood” because she feels it will become a supportive, nurturing environment once they understand her.  She asked me to suggest some strategies or ice breakers to help her connect to the women and help them bond and learn more about each other.

What a great question! I immediately knew my good friend Jennifer Kahnweiler, who wrote the incredible new book Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference, would have the perfect advice for Lily. Jennifer’s answer was so terrific, I’m sharing her letter to Lily with you.  After reading her advice, I invite you to share your favorite icebreakers and thoughts in the comments. ”

So what did I write to Lily? Take a look here and feel free to add your comments. I hope you find these ideas useful.



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